Just Over Two Years Ago...

Allow your expectations of yourself and others be fluid instead of rigid. Raise them when you can; lower them when you must. Lisa Olivera 

During the pandemic, I wrote a book called Now What? The Flipside, the process of writing supported me as there were days of silence and solitude. I was finally in one place where I could reflect and share lessons rather than working, travelling, and flying about the world.

With the previous books I wrote, I would sit and chat with my grandmother about life, get her perspective and experiences which somehow put me in a more centered place, and explained so much of how I operated in the world.

During the writing of this last book, my grand mother fell ill, and somehow I believed that she would live forever. As far as I could remember I have never seen her sick or bedridden my entire adult life. At 87 years old, she was a vibrant woman who still moved to her own beat.

When I went to visit her, the shock I received seeing her lying in her bed unable to do much more than talk. I was faced with the inevitability that she was indeed slowing down.

We discussed the new book. She was surprised that we did not go through our usual talks. Is it because I am sick she asked? I felt so uncomfortable in that moment, I shifted in the seat, smiled that stupid grin and said no mummy, of course not. She did not buy it at all. The look on her face said it all and that hmmm response topped it all off.

Weeks after the book was published , I still believed that she would regain her health and strength to come to the launch, to speak as she would usually do and support me on the Journey. That was not to be.

My grandmother passed away and I could not bring myself to do anything with the book. Just as she was passing I was falling into a relationship that would also change how I viewed so many things. The book remained on pause.

I felt guilty, I felt as if I had let myself and the other people on the project who had worked hard, down. The book remained without a launch because of all that was going on in my life.

The relationship ended - in a very turbulent and traumatic way which pushed the book further down my priority list. Imagine me, writing about self awareness and self help and could not even help myself out of this mess ( the story I made up at the time and still rewriting it to this day)

Work up today to realize that its been over two years!

A true wake up call - no pun intended

The lessons have been impactful ;

1. what you created can live on and still make a difference.

2. Taking time to grieve is ok - this is a process and as with all processes it takes time.

3. Life brings up situations to guide you, reflect back to you where you are, pay attention.

Lisa Olivera sums it up nicely" I am working on making peace with when things don’t go the way I assume they’re supposed to. I’m working on releasing my expectations to make space to see the goodness even in what is lost. And I’m working on letting the process of making things matter more than the outcome of the making — on how I’m shaped and molded just by choosing to try. I’m grateful for the trying. I want to keep trying."

Peace and Blessings