Self-Loyalty: Choosing Yourself Without Waiting for Permission
"Self-loyalty doesn't wait for permission. It asks to be chosen." – Stacey Herrera
There was a time when I struggled to choose myself. Spending a dime on anything that felt indulgent or unnecessary led to a chorus of guilt in my head. “Why bother?” I’d tell myself. “You don’t need it. There are better things to focus on—other people to care for.” Buying a gift for a close friend or surprising a family member felt natural. But when it came to treating myself, I hesitated.
Looking back, I realize that those decisions weren’t about practicality. They were about the deep-seated need to be seen and appreciated by others. My actions were driven by a desire to earn love and approval, all while betraying the one person who needed me the most: me.
The Quiet Betrayal
Self-betrayal is subtle at first. It’s skipping the book you’ve been dying to read because there are chores to finish. It’s saying “yes” to plans you’d rather skip because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. It’s convincing yourself that self-care is selfish.
But the thing about self-betrayal is that it doesn’t stay small. The more you let it grow, the more it teaches others that it’s okay to take from you without giving back. You set the precedent for how you’re treated.
I’ve lived that pattern. I saw how giving everything to others left me depleted, while my needs stayed buried under layers of guilt and doubt.
Learning Self-Loyalty
Over time, I realized that being loyal to myself wasn’t selfish—it was essential. Self-loyalty meant recognizing my worth and choosing myself, even when it felt uncomfortable or unfamiliar. It wasn’t about shutting others out; it was about letting myself in.
I started small. I chose to spend an afternoon alone, guilt-free, simply because I needed it. I allowed myself to enjoy a meal at my favorite restaurant without overthinking the cost. Each act of self-loyalty strengthened my ability to trust myself.
And that trust is transformative. The voice in my head that once questioned every “why” started whispering, “Why not?”
A Journey Worth Taking
Self-loyalty is an ongoing journey. It’s about choosing to honor your needs, dreams, and boundaries—even when society or the people around you suggest otherwise. It’s about asking, “What would it look like if I treated myself with the same love and care I give to others?”
So, if you’re like me and find yourself justifying why you shouldn’t choose yourself, I invite you to pause and ask a different question: Why not? Trust yourself. Your loyalty doesn’t need anyone else’s permission.
Peace and Blessings